An Apology to Hashem Sideeq
Last Wednesday night at Bashair 2 Hospital in Al-Haj Youssef, at 10 PM, I lost my son Ibrahim, who came into this world lifeless after he had been moving inside his mothers womb until the very last moment, only to emerge from the womb directly into the grave. At first, I thought he was protesting the circumstances. Perhaps he didnt desire a life in which bullets prevailed after spending over nine months in his mothers womb. And when he came into this world, he came out lifeless, to be buried in the early hours of Wednesday (a piece of me) in the Kubri Cemetery, and all that remained of me was (the wound).
I couldnt find a way out of this grief except to write about Hashem Sideeq, hoping that I might heal my wounds with words and letters (defying pain with letters) after we had thankfully and gratefully accepted the loss of our son Ibrahim. I will seek refuge in writing, with all the spaces that Ibrahim left for us. But how is the state of his grieving mother? She replaced her newborn with a quantity of medications and antibiotics, returning from the hospital after preparing for him a bottle, diapers, and a designated place in the room, and before that, in her heart. And what about his siblings? After thinking that going to the hospital meant coming back with a new brother, we now return to them with our wounds and the endless questions (Indeed, to Allah we belong, and to Him, we shall return).
We leaned on him, thinking that Ibrahim would be a source of joy that would take us out of the depths of war. The consolation is that goodness always remains in what God chooses.
I have never known a poet who cherished his dignity and personality more than the poet Hashem Sideeq, who represented to us a state of elegance, grace, and culture, despite being a laborer (My name is Hashem, my mother is Amina, and my father is deceased, was a Khadragi - Vegetable vendor). He rides public transportation and walks among people like a man (Im on the bus to Omdurman). He is one of the people, the official spokesman of our features (Your eyes are the eyes of my people / Compassion is like a melody in a stanza). And he lives in the Jaluos House (Our house is made of mud, and when the mud cracks, it is mended. We suffer for the mud to find its way to the garbage). In the misery of life, I have not found anything worse than misery for the sake of (garbage). Yet, Hashem Sideeq, with all that, lives with the dignity of a king, in pride, lifting the status of poets to make that pride, with his humility and simplicity, reside in an ivory tower. A tower of pride, dignity, nobility, and uniqueness, and he is the one who says in a recorded message to the country (Let the newspapers keep their titles / As a representative or not a poet / Not a writer or a critic / Theyre all like the signs of shops and restaurants / All are ornaments, and what is the witness).
Hashem Sideeq, with this description that speaks of all humility (A man who loves you, and his secrets dont leak out. How many times Ive met him and greeted him, and they make fun of me. Hes totally yours, and his heart is yearning), and theres no wonder in this denial. Hes the one who says (I dont need it for the sake of the evening, and the light of your spirit is my guide. I extend my hand, I dont need it for the sake of seeing you. See my eyes, your features are present. Where do you think youre going? Your light resides in me, and I see you. Your features are present in my heart), and before that, he had declared it with such clarity and boldness (The letters of your name, they wrote, I longed, and I traveled to you. I swayed in the silk of your eyes, embracing me. Before touching me, silk of your hands. You swing me, and you make me happy. You make my chest ring. I stand in the middle of the town and shout, Your mail, O morning of my life!).
Hashem Sideeq, despite all his openness and poetry that captivated the world and landed him in detention, said, I wish I could say words about you that we dont write. What does Hashem Sideeq want to say more than that, especially since he has exhausted himself with countless poems?
The excellent report by the Al Arabiya website, penned by our colleague Khaled Fathi, came after the circulation of images showing the poet Hashem Sadeq being carried on a horse-drawn cart (Karo) during an evacuation operation from his residence in the Pant neighborhood in the city of Omdurman, one of the three cities that make up the Sudanese capital, Khartoum, to the Revolution suburb on the western side of the city.
Sources close to the family of the poet Hashem Sideeq told Al Arabiya that the evacuation process took place under extremely complicated conditions. They searched for more than ten days for a three-wheeled tuk-tuk vehicle to carry the poet because the Rapid Support Forces did not allow regular vehicles to cross from areas under the control of the Sudanese army to their areas of control. However, all their attempts to find a vehicle failed, and there was no way to evacuate the Sudanese poet except by carrying him on the back of a Karo cart, especially after life became impossible within the historic neighborhood, where artillery, missile, and aerial shelling rates increased, turning it into a military operations area.
The same sources added to Al Arabiya that Hashem Sideeq safely reached a secure location in one of the houses in the Revolution suburb in Omdurman, located under the control of the Sudanese army.
Hashem Sideeq once wrote as if he had foreseen this situation, and social media circulated his departure from his home in an evacuation operation (In our country, there is only one situation / The airport is the station / (Komat) when Karo remains / And time is like a ghost). And he wrote about Amuna, O Khartoum (And in a time of fatigue and fear, you carry my steps and walk diligently). The irony here is that it is she who carries his steps while he walks diligently!! Hashems steps this time are carried by (Karo), O Khartoum, and Hashem does not give up the challenge he is known for (O country / Here are my hands and your paintings / You are my addition, my palace, wealth, and writing / From you, I learned patience / And how to feel the pain of the poor / And I challenge you with the taste of the road / And the hardship of time, and how bitter it becomes / And I fill up with you / And I feel you / And I sing for you from the youth / Until the grave / And I swear by you / My veins tremble from the awe).
As I look at the picture of Hashem on the Karo, and we are from a generation that studied (Hashem on Eid), I recall an old prescription by Hashem Sideeq in which he wrote (All wounds heal except those in the soul), and Hashems wound here is a wound in the soul. Its our wound, all of us. The wound of the nation, not just Hashem Sideeq alone.
With all these wounds, Hashem Sideeq is the owner of the document that may be unique in Sudanese songs for laughter (Laugh../ The notes wash away tragedies / Waves of crises calm down / People touch hardship / And love returns for a while / Ships embrace the harbors / Laugh / Thieves in the streets wake up / Barriers break / Weddings in farms begin / And factories / People receive wonders / O wonders).
Abu Araki Al-Bakhit repeats the word (wonders) until we almost feel it touching our feet.
In confirmation of spreading joy and inviting it, Hashem, even in these circumstances, sought to reassure the people, as he said in an audio recording, as reported by Al Arabiya: Hashem Sideeq added in a weary voice, showing signs of fatigue and exhaustion, I am not afraid or sad, and I would like to thank those who made efforts to evacuate me in this way. In emotional words, Hashem stated that everything he has contributed throughout his creative career has been an expression of love for the Sudanese people. He pledged to dedicate what remains of his life to continue his creative journey, calling for the provision of production tools to assist him. He also revealed his dream of being able to write a new play and present new programs, despite his mental and physical fatigue. He hoped that his old poetry collections, numbering 12, would find their way back into the market for republication after previous editions ran out.
This is the Hashem Sideeq we know, unbroken and unwavering, maintaining his dignity even in the most challenging times. He doesnt abandon the pride he is known for, even while riding a Karo cart (We are the steadfast ones and we classify / In thought, we did not hate the small-minded / We are the ones who suffered for our country / And we, O world, are the great ones / On the day of massacres / Not a martyrs eyelash quivered / And in the face of all the rifles / They sang the anthem).
The image of Hashem in the Karo is present now, and his words about his love for Omdurman elevate it, and nothing can surpass it (At times, Im afraid / I weaken and die / You revive me with a compassionate look / And at times, I fear the rocks of the roads / Burning me with an honorable word / Your image is the eternal skin of the road / The ink of letters / My faith in all circumstances and conditions / Its the name.. the embassys stamp / The permits.. the praises / The posters.. and the orders).
Does taking the Karo require an embassy stamp or a traffic permit?!
Hashem Sideeq lived as a voice against governments, resisting their oppression and tyranny (The call to prayer / And well pray for you, O morning of salvation / Ready / And well open the book of sorrows / From beginning to end / And well ask: Who is the winner? / Who is the loser? / Who is the killer.. and who is the slain? / Who was the conscience of the world / On the day of the incident, it was marked / And it was responsible?)
Hashem Sideeq presents his plea against the current situation more than 30 years ago (Who is the depth of honors roots / Inside the mud / And it doesnt care when migrating to the unknown). We all migrate to the unknown, not just Hashem alone.
He was the only one representing the opposition (Who are the military with the tyrants / Who are the peaceful ones, the small devils / Who is the shoe that they made for us / The day they made it, they were stupid), and Hashem Sadeqs party has always been the party of the peoples revolution. There is no greater celebration and documentation of the October Revolution than the words of The Epic (Al-Malhama), performed by Mohammed Al-Amin (When the oppressive night extends / And the dawn of light transforms / We said we would repeat the first past / The past of our ancestors who defeated the oppressor / And dismantled the fortresses of the tyrant). Hashem Sadeq participated in performing The Epic along with Khalil Ismail, Dr. Osman Mustafa, Bahaa Eldin Abu Shala, Samia Hassan, and Um Bileina El-Sanousi.
When The Epic was performed on stage in celebration of the October Revolution four years after October, Hashem Sadeq sat in the back rows among the audience because his young age did not qualify him to sit in the front row among the ministers and senior guests. Hashem Sadeq was in the era of The Forgotten, and everyone stood in admiration of his words.
Now Hashem Sideeq is at the forefront, after enriching our literary life with poetry, drama, and media.
We pray to Allah to protect Hashem Sadeq and to write for us about this crisis after the country emerges from its ordeal, stronger and more resilient.
O Allah, protect Sudan and its people.
Abu Ibrahim
