From Tuti: The Beginning of War

Dr. Fatima Al-Aqab

My eyes wandered around the house. I looked at it with a gaze filled with longing. Nothing in this world equals the blessing of security and stability. I looked sadly, for we hardly settle into a period of stability before answering the call to depart. It saddens me to be in this situation that almost makes me lose my balance, were it not for those little hearts that see me as a woman from the era of impossibilities, trusting in my decisions and looking at me steadfastly. I cannot be anything other than that steadfastness and strength they have entrusted to me. I looked here and there. This might be the last look at this dwelling, this safe haven where we were happy and secure. Our paradise on the banks of the Nile, may safety and security be written for us, so we can be as we wish.

Various images of societies we once thought distant flashed through my mind, now we find ourselves in what they were fighting in.

I heard, if I called out, they would prefer their own interests that led us to where we are. It seems that society always bears the burden of politicians and leaders.

I hope the war ends, and as the poet said, "I wish war came without a cause," and we return to our homes safe, optimistic that the future will be brighter, for we are a beautiful people deserving of our affairs being organized and progressing. How great security and peace are, and how great our Prophet is when he reminded us that whoever sleeps safe in his flock is sound in his body.

Today we decided to leave.

For someone like me, accustomed to order, in his home knowing exactly where things are, planning his month in tedious details, and following his rituals with precise coordination.

It pains me greatly to leave it,
but wait, oh
there are those who lost their mother, father, companion, and children,
so why lament a home we wont inhabit forever?

My heart was reassured and I became more certain, courageous, and prepared to leave.
More steadfast in the face of whats expected.
More humble and submissive to God, to preserve us as He preserves His righteous servants.
So, I entrust my children, myself, my family, all my loved ones, Sudan, and all its people to God, for He does not neglect His trust.
Deferred dreams and hopes.
I wished we were among the actors in raising the status of this country, its development, and progress, to see my little hearts advancing steadily. To do and do. But we entrust them to God and, God willing, we return, singing, and the days blossom anew.

How difficult it is to leave, and how more difficult than being away from your loved ones. For they are my support, may God protect and watch over them in their homes safely.
My mother, what a paradise she is blessed with, and how much health and well-being God has granted her.

Now, I write.
And Beethovens symphony plays.
For we have learned the sound of drones,
and planes,
and mortars,
and rifles.
And we are more familiar with that sweeping sound,
that follows an explosive blast.
I sat with my little hearts,
watching clips of looting and plundering,
and in their indignation,
I saw what amazed me.
We discuss politics.
I told them two years ago that we,
would witness a war in Sudan.
Theres no surprise for them,
but rather full readiness.
I am deeply and extremely sorry that I couldnt complete formal procedures.
Amidst all this noise,
there is absolute certainty in God,
that we will move forward to great good,
for this is His promise,
and His promise is true.

Tuti Island
April 23, 2023
God save Sudan.